Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
