I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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