the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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