you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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