I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You were trust falling into bushes
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
