ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
