i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
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