Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
