Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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