just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
