my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
