ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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