She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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