we're making bets on your personal life
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
