My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
