life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
