Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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