it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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