My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
