Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
