Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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