woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
