There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
