i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
