I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
