are you still at the devil's house?
the condom got lost in my hair
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
They have beer where we have blood.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
