the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Text me some of your sweat
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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