Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
