i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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