Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Randomize
