and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
