Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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