When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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