wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
