My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
She said her name was "party"
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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