Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
