Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
