When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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