my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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