Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
