My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
