I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
