Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
