Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
