Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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