girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
