if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Randomize
