You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I just googled if crying burns calories
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
