Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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