Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
