Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
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